Critics:

Frighteningly bad cinema is the only thing scary about Alone in the Dark, which gives video-game movies an even worse name, if that’s possible.

They say that even ugly babies have faces their mothers love, but this is truly a film that not even hardcore genre fans could appreciate.

Saying Uwe Boll’s Alone in the Dark is better than his 2003 American debut House of the Dead is akin to praising syphilis for not being HIV.

Uwe Boll:

I WILL LITERALLY KICK THE ASS OF ANYONE WHO HATED MY FILMS.

Uwe Boll, worst director in the world, is offering critics of his films the chance to get into the ring with him and settle their scores with fisticuffs. The critics will be chosen by Uwe Boll, flown to Vancouver, put up in a hotel as a guest of Uwe Boll and will finally step into the ring with Boll, where he will film the match to be included in his new film Postal, starring Gary Coleman.

Uwe Boll has now, officially, lost the plot.