Hi guys,

I’m feeling pretty dumb about losing my wallet, especially when I’m 90% sure it just dropped out of my pocket while I was taking a dump in McDonalds. But seriously, who the fuck thought it would be a good idea to have “Cry Me a River” in the hold music for your ’emergency helpline’? Can we fire them? Please?

Regards, etc.

(I’m so glad I had my phone on speakerphone so my girlfriend could hear this shit, at least someone knows I’m not making this shit up.)

Anyway, other stuff I need to get replaced:

  1. Credit Card

  2. Laser Card

  3. Cineworld Card “There’s a €16 replacement fee, but I’ll waive that because you’ve been a member for 2 years.”

  4. Library Card

  5. Driver’s License

Update: Crisis over. A couple of days after I lost my wallet, I got a very panicked phone call from my very panicked mother who had just received a visit from the Gardai asking if I lived there. Someone found my wallet in McDonalds and handed it in (but not before making off with the money in it; they even swiped the four US dollar bills(?!!)). The Gardai found my address because of my Driving License.

I’m a little disappointed now though. The few days of being without an identity (and financially fluid) were kind of liberating.