Hilarious article on energy drinks from Gourmet.com:

Measuring up the prose of energy drinks against daily life will lead to all sorts of absurdities:

“Julia, can I get you a coffee?” “No, I have a ton of editing to do, I need the venom of a Death Adder which has the power to strike back.” “How about an espresso then?” “I will bite you in your neck if you do not leave me immediately to the challenges of my intense life.” “Look, we all have a lot of work to do.” “You may have a lot of work to do. I have a lot of work to penetrate with my face, inject with poison, and kill.” “Is that your heart visibly beating through your sternum?” “Yes, it is. Jealous?”